All Our Next Times: Fallen Brook Series: Book 1 Page 7

  Looking up at the old oak tree that stands between our houses, I stare at Liz’s window. It’s open like usual, and I can hear her voice floating down to me like a song whispering through the leaves of the tree as it glides upon the night’s breeze. She’s talking to Hailey. I just stand there at the foot of the tree and listen, hoping her melodious voice is able to calm me.

  I don’t know how long I’m there lost in my world of misery and questions. I hear a click and then her bedroom goes dark. I watch as Liz appears in the frame of her window, long pale hair loose around her shoulders, looking like a goddess come to life.

  While my mind is still running on a loop, my body takes over and decides to move on its own. Without thinking, I leap up and grab hold of the bottom branch of the oak and start to climb. Liz notices the tree shake and shudder from my efforts, her face full of confusion as to what is climbing the tree in the middle of the night.

  She leans her head out trying to get a better view, then startles backward as I reach the branch next to her window. I swing myself into her bedroom.

  “Jayson?”

  Elizabeth

  When I got home tonight full of confusion and doubts, Hailey was waiting for me in my bedroom. I had texted her on the way home asking if we could talk. She has a way of making me feel better about things that bother me. As we sit on my bed, my bedroom window open to allow the fragrant summer air filled with the scent of honeysuckle vines to waft in, I tell her about everything that happened at the Fields.

  “What do I do, Hales? I’m so confused. Things seem to be changing between me, Jayson, and Ryder. I don’t know if it’s a good change or not. You know I have always had feelings for the three of them, but those feelings are becoming very complicated especially with those two.”

  Hailey takes a brush from my bedside table and starts to comb it through my hair. The feel of the soft bristles sliding down my long lengths soothe and relax me, like she knew it would. She opens her mouth to say something but closes it before opening it again. I know she is trying to find the right words to express what she wants to say, like she does when writing her poems. She wants every word to be just right.

  “You and the twins and Ryder have always had a special bond. Everyone knows it and everyone sees it. I know you love each of them, but is that love the type of love that goes deeper? You need to ask yourself that question first.”

  I think about Julien, his quick smile and kind spirit. How he makes me feel special. Jayson makes my heart pound. I look into his silver eyes and every part of me tingles. And then there is Ryder, my amber-eyed daredevil. He's the keeper of my heart. But we’re a unit, a unified team. What would happen if I chose one of them to give my heart to completely?

  “I do have strong feelings for both Ryder and Jayson,” I finally say aloud. “Julien is my best friend, but my love for him is not like the deeper love you asked me about.” I pause, nose scrunching up in thought. “I’m just afraid that if I choose one, I will hurt the other two. I’m not going to be the one responsible for doing that to all of us.”

  I exhale a sharp sigh. The brush Hailey holds stills on my hair. My sister reaches around me to give me a hug.

  “What do you want, Lizzie? What would make you happy?”

  I lean back into my sister’s arms, accepting the embrace and comfort she is giving.

  “I won’t choose. I won’t,” I emphasize. “I wish the choice was taken out of my hands so I wouldn’t have to worry about it constantly, but I also just want things to stay the same.”

  I’m a coward.

  Hailey squeezes and then gets up, yawning big while stretching her arms overhead. “Sorry sis. I’m exhausted. Get some sleep and hopefully the answer will come to you in your dreams. If not, then I’m always here for you.”

  “Good night, Hales. Thanks for being such an awesome sister.”

  “Always. Love you.”

  Hailey walks through our jack-and-jill, closing both bathroom doors. My mind is too busy and full of thoughts running circles around my brain. I click off my bedroom light and walk over to the open window. Even though it’s the middle of the summer and the air is sticky with hot humidity, I keep my window open at night. I started doing that when the twins moved in next door. It’s how we connect to each other at night and it makes me feel safe.

  The oak tree in front of my bedroom window begins to shake. Sometimes raccoons or possums climb the tree at night. I peer out to get a closer look when a tall figure appears, startling me before it swings through my window into my bedroom.

  “Jayson?”

  Jayson says nothing as he stands before me. His dark brown hair, which is disheveled and sticking up in various places, looks as if he’s been raking his hands through it. I can see the streaks of gold woven throughout his thick chocolate hair reflected by the faint light coming in through my window. Jayson’s metallic eyes bore into mine, their glow in the darkness rivaling that of a full moon. I’m forced to look up at him as he’s several inches taller than I. He’s breathing hard, fists clenched at his sides. He looks angry, wild, but his eyes hold something else. Something that causes my pulse to skip and speed up.

  “Jayson?” I ask again unsure, raising my hand to touch him.

  As soon as my fingers graze the side of his face, his eyes change, pupils fully dilating making his irises look almost black. He takes a step toward me. I take a step back. It’s almost like we’re dancing. My pulse quickens even more. Jayson’s heated eyes track across my face like an intimate caress. He takes another step forward until his body is mere inches from mine.

  Something shifts between us. It’s electricity charged with lightning. Heat fired with an internal flame. Air from our lungs comes out in short, sharp puffs. Even though Jayson isn’t physically touching me, I can feel him everywhere. Every synapse, every nerve ending, fires to life within my body. He takes another slow half step toward me, our chests touching. His mesmerizing eyes hold my green ones and I couldn’t look away from him now if my life depended on it.

  Slowly, very slowly, as if he’s about to touch something precious and fragile, Jayson lifts his right hand and cups the side of my face, fingers curling around the nape of my neck, thumb curling under my chin. He repeats this with his left hand. Using both thumbs, he gently lifts my face upward, his thumb pulling down on my bottom lip and tracing its contour. I freeze, my muscles lock up knowing what’s coming but disbelieving it’s about to happen.

  Our eyes remain tethered together as he inches his face closer until I can feel the tickle of the breath from his parted lips onto mine. My mouth parts as I hold my breath expectantly waiting for what’s to come.

  “I love you, Liz,” he breathes into me before taking those final millimeters and touching his lips to mine.

  I get just a moment to feel the softness of his lips, the fullness, before he devours me.

  It’s like an out of body experience.

  My first kiss.

  My first kiss with Jayson.

  I never have really kissed a boy before. Yes, I know all my friends are way more experienced than I am when it comes to kissing or being intimate with boys. I have absolutely no sexual experience to fall back on to help me figure out what I need to do. So I relinquish control to Jayson knowing he will guide the way.

  I feel his tongue tentatively touch the corner of my mouth, his thumb pulling my lower lip further down, and then pure ecstasy. With little nips and dancing tongues our mouths open to each other. As soon as my tongue touches his, he presses into my body fully, wrapping his arms around me, one arm around my waist, the other around my shoulders so his hand is able to guide my head to where he wants it, to kiss me deeper. I can never possibly imagine that anyone will ever kiss me as thoroughly as Jayson is kissing me right now.

  I don’t know how long we stand in the middle of my bedroom, lips kiss-swollen and fused together. It’s as if we can’t breathe unless we are taking in the air of the other. It’s heady and intoxicating. My heart at that moment splits
into two, and one part merges with Jayson’s.

  The sound of his phone pinging every second breaks us out of our intimate dance. I am the first to pull away even though we continue to cling to one another. But that’s enough time for my brain to begin to clear from the sensual fog of Jayson’s kisses and I start to panic. What have we done?

  I try to remove myself from his arms but he’s not having it.

  “Liz. Stop.”

  My panic rises.

  “Jayson, what have we done?”

  “Something we should have done a long time ago,” he replies softly, pulling me back for another kiss to prove his point.

  “No, you don’t understand. You don’t get it,” my voice rises. “This changes everything. What happens to our friendship? What happens to Julien? To Ryder?”

  At the mention of Ryder’s name, I feel Jayson tense.

  Without fully letting me go, he pulls me backward to my bed and sits down with me in his lap, arms continuing to hold my body which is now shaking.

  “Liz, look at me.”

  I refuse.

  “Liz,” he says more sternly, “Look at me.”

  Once he has my attention, he pulls my face to his and kisses me slowly, once, twice, three times, until all the tension leaves my body.

  “I’ll deal with Julien and Ryder. You don’t need to worry about them. Nothing is going to change. I promise.”

  My brows draw down in disbelief at his words.

  “I promise,” he repeats again. “You will not lose any of us.”

  “But this, you and me, changes everything Jayson.”

  “I love you Elizabeth. I’m in love with you. I have loved you for a long time. Tell me you feel the same. Please tell me that we can be together, that you’ll be mine. I’ll do anything. Anything. Just tell me.”

  His anguished words pleading with me to love him back tear down my walls of resistance. I do love Jayson. Very much. But part of me also loves Ryder. Another part is devoted to Julien. My heart belongs to all three boys, but I have to choose. And now the boy I have loved since I was six years old is in front of me, declaring his heart to mine, trusting that I won’t break it. And I won’t, I can’t. So I give in, letting him make my choice for me. Isn’t that exactly what I told Hailey I wished would happen? A part of me wonders what would have been if Ryder was the one who climbed up the tree tonight into my bedroom. I can’t be that selfish. Jayson loves me and that should be enough as long as I am able to keep Ryder and Julien in my life, as long as I get to keep my other two best friends. So yes, I’m a coward because right now, I’m going to allow Jayson to make that choice for me.

  Jayson waits patiently for my answer. I run my hands over his face and up into his hair. I kiss his cheek.

  “Yes.”

  I kiss his forehead.

  “Yes.”

  I kiss his nose.

  “Yes.”

  I move my left arm around his neck and grip it while cupping my right hand around the side of his face, my eyes staring at the gorgeous boy before me that has been my prince for so long.

  “I love you too.”

  Then I kiss his mouth.

  Chapter 6

  Julien

  It’s after three in the morning when Jayson sneaks into our room through the window. I figured out where he was after I got home from Ryder’s and saw his shadow inside Elizabeth’s bedroom. I lied to Mom when she saw me walk in and asked me where Jay was. I said he was already asleep upstairs.

  Ryder is a mess. I stayed with him after Jay shot off like a bat out of hell, and he and I just talked. He thinks Jay hates him. He thinks he’s lost his best friend. I reassured him over and over that everything was going to be ok. Jay simply needed a minute. Our bonds of friendship were strong. Eventually, I was able to convince Ryder of this, and I left his place feeling pretty good about things. But like the stupid asshole my twin brother just made me when I realized he was with Elizabeth, I was a liar. What I promised Ryder is now all a big fat lie, and that makes me fucking angry.

  “Where the fuck have you been?”

  I glare at my brother as he strips off his shirt and shorts and climbs into bed like nothing has happened. His nonchalance only adds fuel to my anger. I chuck a pillow at his head.

  “Hey, shithead! I asked you a fucking question.”

  “What! Fuck off!” he turns his back to me and takes the pillow I just chucked at him, punching it a few times before laying his head on it.

  When we were younger, we had bunk beds. I slept on the bottom while Jay had the top. We still share a room, but now it has two full beds instead of the bunks.

  Needing to see his face, knowing I will catch him in a lie if he tries, I sit up and throw my legs over the side of my bed, ready to confront him.

  “Are you seriously going to pretend that I just did not see your fucking idiot self in Liz’s bedroom.”

  I get nothing.

  “After everything Ryder said to us tonight. He laid his fucking heart out for us and you just shit all over it.”

  That gets his attention. Jay flings himself off his bed and lunges at me. My brother may be muscular, years of swimming giving him broad shoulders and strong arms, but I’m faster, my soccer skills and quick feet coming in handy. I dodge his attack easily and push against his back making him fall over onto my bed. He recovers instantly and jumps up to grab my shoulders.

  I know he’s not fighting me. He’s fighting himself. He’s at war with what he’s done and needs to channel that aggression into something physical. Unfortunately, his punching bag is me. He sucker-punches me in the jaw, but I give back as good as I get and clip him on the nose. We both freeze after seeing blood. Some is dripping from the cut he opened on my lip, and some from his nose where I punched him.

  “What are we doing, man? Do you feel better now? Want me to see if Liz wants to come over so you can pummel on her too?”

  Jay’s face blanches at the thought of anything hurting Elizabeth. He immediately backs down and takes a seat on the side of his bed. Like earlier tonight at Ryder's, his head hangs low, refusing to look at me.

  He swallows a few times before speaking. “I panicked. I fucking panicked. I heard what he was saying and all I could think about was that I was losing my girl. My girl,” he thumps his chest above his heart. “I know I should’ve told her how I felt ages ago. I know I should’ve talked to Ryder. He and I have both been dancing around the subject for years. I wasn’t expecting him to finally grow a pair and pursue her. So yeah, I panicked. Fucking hell.”

  “You need to fix this, Jay.”

  “I know. I promised Liz I would take care of everything. I’ll make sure she doesn’t lose any of us. I made her a promise, and I will never break my promises to that girl.”

  “You didn’t see what you running off did to Ryder. He’s devastated, man. He thinks you hate him. I promised him otherwise. Told him you just needed a moment. Now I’m a lying asshole thanks to you.”

  If I thought Jay’s head couldn’t hang any lower in shame, I was wrong.

  “Talk to me, brother. No matter what, I am here for you. But I won’t betray Ryder. I’m not going to lie to him.”

  “I love her, Julien. I can’t live without her. I’m sorry.”

  I love my twin brother, too. I hate to see him tying himself up into knots about this. We all knew things would come to a head when it came to Elizabeth sooner or later. Lines would have to be drawn, boundaries established, choices made. I only wish he went about it better. Talked to Ryder instead of running off behind his back to stake his claim and steal her.

  “You know, he still plans to talk to her tomorrow. You’re going to have to suck it up and talk to him first before he sees her or else it’s going to cause a shitload of confusion and problems.”

  I touch his shoulder. Sitting down beside him on his bed, I wrap my arm around his shoulder and pull him to me.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  Jay wipes a tear from the corner of his eye a
nd smiles over at me. “It was beautiful.”

  “Ok, not wanting too many details because the girl is my best friend and I may decide to punch you again if you made any moves on her, but go ahead,” I gesture to let him know he can continue talking about what happened between them tonight.

  I stay with my brother until the sun comes up as he confesses every feeling, every thought to me. The love he has for Liz shines through it all like a beacon, and I know he will worship the ground she walks on and treat her like a queen. Liz told Jay she loved him back. Regardless of how screwed up the circumstances, she made a choice. I hope Ryder is strong enough to live with it.

  Elizabeth

  I feel my bed bounce which wakes me from the dream I was having. A dream of me, Jayson, Ryder, and Julien when we were younger. We’d been playing in our forest fort after coming back from the creek. I remember Jayson had found this rose-colored quartz rock in the shape of a heart that he gave to me to add to my jar collection. He placed it on my palm and I wrapped my fingers tightly around it, feeling its smoothness and warmth. I opened my hand to see that the heart-shaped rock was now broken, split and cracked down the middle. I looked up to ask Jayson what happened to it, but it was not Jayson in front of me anymore. It was Ryder.

  “So which one was it?” a voice asks from beside me, pulling me from my dream.

  I stretch my arms and legs out and roll over. Images from last night instantly flood my brain and I lift my fingers to my still tingling lips before opening my eyes to see Hailey’s face next to mine on the bed.

  “What?” I’m still partially lost in my dream and not fully awake yet. I get a poke to the side of my ribs and sleepily swat it away.

  “Which one was it? Jayson or Ryder? Or was it Julien?”

  I look at her in confusion before realization dons on me.

  “You know I can hear everything in my room even with the bathroom doors closed. Ok, well not everything, but the sound of a boy’s voice coming from your room last night after I left was unmistakable. Spill it sister. Which one was it?”